No News..

Sigh, Thursday was a little rough. Our day was filled with Drs. appointments. We began at the ENT, he literally only looked in Molly's ears and said ok we need to make a lot of referrals and order bloodwork. A friend of mine warned me that this appointment would be just that, but I thought there might be a little more to it. Well Molly was scheduled for her 2 month check and since we figured she is getting shots, we would do her bloodwork. I knew she would cry so I sent Aaron in with her and I'm so glad I did. It's bad enough they had to take blood at all, but the first arm they couldn't hit her vein and were digging around and the they finally got the other arm, but we have to go back Monday and put her through this torture again because they didn't get enough. She was screaming the whole time, I could hear her in the waiting room and it was horrible. Also when you have a deaf  baby you can't console her with your voice and she was having blood taken, so Aaron could not rock her, he just sat there as she looked at him sobbing to make it stop.

Her 2 month checkup was next, I am happy to report my little girl is growing nicely. She is already 22 inches long, and weighs 10lbs 9oz! She is right on par, if not a little ahead as far as head control and strength and is just as happy as can be. When she is awake she has the biggest smile, it takes up her whole face, it's contagious, you can't help but feel happy when you see it! The pediatrician was very happy with her progress. They needed to do an EKG, which was fine, but she didn't like having the strips ripped off. Then came shot time and she was not happy about those as well. Then to top it all off poor thing was so sore and ran a fever. I just scooped her up that evening and held her tight and gave her a million kisses so she would know mommy loved her so much.

So I didn't realize how being at the doctor all day would be so draining. I felt a little overwhelmed and like I had been through the ringer. It hit me on the drive back that this road would have lots of days like this, and honestly my heart sunk a little. I shed a tear and thanked God for the strength he was and would bring me, but I mostly thanked God for all of you. I came home to more kind and encouraging words, and my spirits lifted a little more. I am truly blessed as to how good God is being to us in the form all the wonderful people he has placed in our life. I feel so unworthy. I have cried so much in the last week, but not because I'm sad about Molly. It's because of all the kind words and encouragement from everyone. I am overwhelmed by the outpouring I have been receiving, I really do feel your prayers/good thoughts and it's making all of this so much easier. I am truly blessed by such wonderful friends and family. I just can't believe that all this is just for "little old me", I don't feel like I am anyone special, but I am so touched that I am inspiring some of you and that it's causing you to examine your own faith. If this is all happening so people can really know God then I count it all as being worth the price. If our journey encourages and inspire some of you then it helps me to know that we are exactly on the path we need to be.

Next steps: we have another round of bloodwork Monday, a GI appointment on wed, and then several unscheduled referrals. Molly will need a kidney ultrasound, somehow there can be a correlation between the deafness and kidneys, a genetics apt, a ct scan, and a sedated ABR. I will continue to keep everyone posted as to dates and specific prayer needs. Biggest thing we are praying for now is that she will be a candidate for implants.

The journey begins...

Molly was born on June 15th 2012. She came into this world loved and adored for the beginning by not only her family, but by our gracious God. Molly had two OAE hearing screenings in the hospital and failed both. We were told not to worry that most of the babies that receive this referral pass the next test. I didn't even worry about it and we began to adjusting to life with a newborn and two kids. Molly did what newborns do, she slept most of the time and ate. Even as a newborn was sweet and hardly cried, except when she wanted to eat. Then on July 10th we went in for her referral appointment. The audiologist did an OAE screening, which she failed again and then did a test for fluid. One ear looked like a normal ear pattern and the other looked as if there was fluid. Then an ABR screening was done, a more intense test to determine the level loss. We were told she was not hearing at any level of this test and in a month we would need a more intense ABR next month. The audiologist shared with us that it could still be fluid and that we would know better at the next visit. Of course being the person I am, I asked what was worse case scenario and the audiologist shared that Molly may have profound loss and be deaf. However the audiologist offered hope by sharing that she may end up being the candidate for cochlear implants. That's when it hit me, she may not be able to hear me at all. I asked and the audiologist said that if she could I sound muffled, like the Charlie brown teacher.
So I went home in shock and a bit of a mess. I began researching the deaf community and then began to look into the implants. I watched countless videos of children getting implants turned on and sobbed, as I realized my plan for Molly's life might be drastically different than I had imagined. I began to realize that I would need tremendous support to get through the next month. I reached out to many of you on Facebook and in person. I was floored by the support, thoughts, and prayers that were extended. I began praying and began to realize that Molly's little ears were in God's hands. God began to gave me immense peace. While we were still hoping that it would be fluid that would drain. I believe the Lord began to prepare me and Aaron for news we were to receive. One thing many of you do not know, is that when I was pregnant with Molly I prayed that she would be in presence and demeanour an example of God's love. That all that would meet her would encounter kindness and love. Little did I know that in order for that to be true, she would need to have a disability. As the month passed I began to feel more and more that God was with me and that he would heal her. I began to tell others whether it be miraculous or through a drs hands she would hear. The week leading up to her appointment I began to get a little anxious, what I had been telling people and feeling would be tested. I again reached out and more of you joined us in prayer. God began bringing people to me that had been touched by deafness, a few even who had children with implants. I still hoped she would just have fluid that could be drained. I could tell that hearing had improved only slightly,and that was when I had Adam scream really loud in her ear. However I also could tell that she wasn't hearing anything else. The night before her appointment Aaron and I prayed over her and released it all into God's hands. I was able to say "it is well with my soul" and because of God's great comfort I truly meant it. Though I did not want that to be tested, I was at peace with God's answer.

The day, Aug 10th, came and the audiologist ran the fluid image, no fluid seemed to be present and I hoped a little inside. Then we ran the OAE again, and again she failed. So now it was how much loss does she have. Molly was fussy so we fed her and tried to get her to sleep, the ABR works better that way. The test was run on the left ear and some hearing was detected, but only at 85 dcb, so only really loud noises, we speak at about 60 dcb. Then the right was done and nothing was detected. I asked what that meant, the audiologist shared the news I was hoping she wouldn't, profound loss in the right and severe in the left. I was amazed by the peace I felt at the same time as sadness. I wasn't so much upset that she was deaf, but that she could not hear right then. I am ok with all this because God is granting me such peace and strength. I cannot take credit, because this not of me, it's actually almost the opposite of normal reaction.
So where did go from here, the next step is an ENT appointment on thursday, in which the Dr will look at her ears to determine if everything is formed correctly and they will run a test to determine if the loss is genetic and referrals to more than likely Scottish Rite will be made. Please be praying that visits go smoothly and we get follow ups quickly. The earlier we can determine if she can get implants the sooner we can get them and if we can get them in by about a year old there will be almost no delay in speech and she will sound and speak no different than her peers.